my heritage

Sometimes a mom just needs to brag about her kids, and rejoice over what God is doing in their lives. I’ve seen their talents grow from infancy, and blossom into personal successes. Now don’t go getting me wrong. I’m not saying “success” is based on fame or fortune, but granted sometimes those things come from achieving excellence.

Ryan has been diligently writing songs, learning to play guitar, taking voice lessons for several years now. I have seen him go from a little 13 year old boy singing one of his first songs called Children of God, to becoming an amazing artist. He has poured countless hours of work and dedication into his passion. His most recent song, “The Writer”, not only received a grade of 100, but more importantly his prof loved it so much that he is going to play it for future classes as an “example of excellent work”. Here’s what he said about it:

Ryan, this is brilliant work; you really play to your musical and lyrical strengths in this project - please continue to do this as you have opportunity in my theology classes in the future. I want you to continue to develop your already excellent talents and abilities. Extraordinarily good work. I loved the lyrics, as well as the way the musical progression matched the text. With your permission I would like to show this project to future classes as an example of excellent work. Well done indeed.

I’m so proud of you, Ryan!! You keep letting the Lord direct your path and you will surely be going in the right direction.

Kyle has been working hard for almost 2 years now. When I say working hard, I’m not exaggerating. I have seen him spend hours, days, weeks learning new techniques, making videos, making a website, perfecting his tutorials. Not only does he do all things with 100% of his effort, but he has always conducted himself with the utmost professionalism. He has become a light to the national yoyo community by contributing high quality teaching videos, and by taking every opportunity to spread the good news of Jesus Christ.

Recently he discovered that someone had “stolen” 50 of his tutorials and sold them to a company in New Zealand for about $30.00 each. It goes without saying that we were all pretty upset about it. But Kyle contacted the company, and through a series of emails back and forth, he was able to not only recover the 50 videos, but he also was awarded over $1,000 for them, along with an agreement to sell all of his tutorials, including future ones for the same price.

I’m so proud of you, Kyle!! God is pleased and honored by your life and service to Him. Keep building your company with integrity and see where He takes you.

The Bible says that “Bad company corrupts good character” and that is probably nowhere more evident than in public schools. Thank you, God, that I was able to homeschool my sons. Thank you, that I was able to invest my time into their lives, and see them gain the incentive to pursue their passions. Thank you, God, for lending these boys to me, and for giving them talents and the desire to use them for good.


Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
Psalm 127:3

prepare ye the way of the garden

Here are some shots of our back and side yards. Darryl is preparing a huge garden for me to grow my veggies, mostly tomatoes, but other stuff too. I would really like to freeze tomato sauce this year. Also, some "before" shots where our deck is so we remember what it looks like after we put up the new pool and deck.

my debonair son

Here are a couple more fun pictures from Good Friday at church.Kyle looked so spiffy!!Here's another pic of Ethan that I saw on Facebook.

The Writer

Here is Ryan's newest song that he completed yesterday. Very cool and different.

If you want to check out the awesome words, go to the actual YouTube page and click on "Show more".

Places to go, people to see, things to do

These are pics of Kyle's anodizing experiment. It was time-consuming, frustrating, dangerous, and a failure. He says he’ll never do it again, but maybe Darryl will convince him to try one more time, since they bought so much stuff to do it.

We had a very nice Easter dinner at Bonnie and David’s house. It was great to hang out with them for the afternoon before I had to get Kyle back to Wayne for the Narnia movie. I think next time I need to bring a pillow with me. That couch in the nursery has a very hard arm rest!

I have been very busy getting work done for church as our trip to Michigan is quickly approaching. It’s going to be an extremely busy month and perhaps a busy summer as well. This week I am hoping to plant my 60+ plants out in the garden before we hit the road.

it was a good Good Friday

Kyle and I had a fun day yesterday...

First we went to Good Friday service at Grace Bible Class Church. Got to hear Pastor Karl, Pastor Mark, and Pastor Bernard. We enjoyed their lively music as well. I told Kyle we need to bring some of that excitement back to Preakness! Get some people to wake up and have fun singing and worshiping!! After a quick bite to eat, Kyle was asked to do some yoyo tricks for the kids. Then we headed back to church and hung out and helped Karl and Jenn with the things they needed to get done. I think Kyle and the boys had a nice time playing outside!

The evening service was certainly more "white" than Passaic! haha...no lively shouting back at sweaty preachers, no "amening". It was just nice and calm, and refined.

Here's Kyle's little show.

Here's Mark's song I Will Rise Again.

and Kyle's gangsta hat was a big hit.

It was another long day today trying to get things done for Easter church service tomorrow, and children's church, dinner at Bonnie's house, cooking, cleaning, and Kyle was trying to do some anodizing. It was a huge disappointment. But I'll write about that some other time...

All in all, it was a very good Friday, and a very lousy Saturday...and it ain't over yet.

Only the strong survive

My marijuana plants, um, I mean my tomato plants are doing so good they really need to be planted in the ground soon. Their poor little roots are growing out the bottom of the pots. Hold on, it won’t be much longer!

I made a batch of cake balls today to take to Bonnie’s house on Sunday. I’m getting pretty darn good at rolling them. And they are beginning to look pretty good too! Tomorrow we (me and Kyle) are going to Passaic church for Good Friday service, then spending the afternoon at PBC and staying for the evening service. It’ll be a long day…

Tough love - paying the price

Dear Ethan,

I don’t know you, but I already love you. I won’t forget about you. I will watch you grow through your mommy’s Facebook profile picture. I’m glad she puts your face there so I can see what you look like.

Love, Grandma”

“Biblical tough love, however, is based on eternal truth. It is motivated by attempting to shock the deeply spiritually rebellious out of their stupors into repentance. Anything less than tough love won't get the job done. If in doubt, check it out with Jesus' record in the Gospels.

However, caution: The one activating tough love must be willing to pay the awful price of being misunderstood and considered hard-hearted and uncaring. He must go through much of life on a lonely track. There will be very few who will have the courage to acknowledge his position to be scriptural -- let alone sane.”

I don’t know who wrote this but I liked it. I am already starting to hear that I am not extending love and grace. I am hearing that it is my fault there is a barrier between us, and that it is up to me to go and knock on her door and demand to see my grandson. I will be blamed by people who don’t even know my story, and they will look at me as the bad guy here. After all, I am the Christian; I am the one who is supposed to be forgiving.

And I'm all for love, grace and forgiveness. I did it for years. But I think there comes a point where you have to say “No more!” Now I think it's time for some tough love. That is the one thing we never did, and it is my one big regret. I should have been tough years ago and maybe this situation could have been avoided. I was wrong to enable this kind of behavior. I was always too mushy and quiet and passive and gentle. I didn’t discipline as I should have. So, for that I am to blame. That doesn’t mean I should let things continue as they have been.

I might miss out on Ethan’s first years, and that makes me utterly sad, bordering on depressed, but I am trusting God to get me through it. I’m not giving up on Ethan or abandoning my daughter. She has abandoned me. When she is ready to come to her senses, I will be here.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Decision Making 101

How do we make decisions? How can we be sure of God’s will? Sometimes I wonder if it is just fine with God whether we do “Ministry A” or “Ministry B”. I mean, think about marriage. I don’t believe in soul mates. I think the human heart has such a huge capacity to love and be loved that we are not stuck trying to find that one and only person in the world that is just right for us. I think we are quite capable of loving others as well. Maybe it’s a little different, but that’s only because each of us is different.

It’s the same with ministry. I don’t think God would be MAD at Kyle is he decides not to go to Puerto Rico. I don’t think it’s like God is saying, “Man, he better do this one thing or he’s out of My will.” You know? I’m sure it will be pleasing and honoring to the Lord if Kyle stays and helps with VBS and goes to Wild Wood for the camping trip like he originally planned before Tim Heath entered the picture. And if God is calling someone to do something specific like a mission trip, wouldn’t He give the person a desire to do it? Is it right to serve God and feel like you don’t really want to be doing this thing? I mean, sometimes people go and do what God says even if they don’t want to (Jeremiah, for example) but that’s not exactly normal these days. And besides, Jeremiah heard God’s voice.

So, how do you make tough decisions? Should it be a matter of how you feel about it? Or should it be a matter of doing it just so you won’t feel guilty for not doing it? Are you supposed to wait to see if a lot of people encourage you to do it? What if they are all wrong? What if he goes on the mission trip because he feels stupid for not having done anything “important” before, and then he positively HATES it? I don’t think God sends us on missions that we hate, do you? What if he doesn’t go and then feels guilty for years afterward for not going? Three weeks away from home is a long time, especially for someone who’s never left home before, and especially in a place where they don’t speak English. That would be terribly isolating for anyone.

Then there is Ryan deciding what to do about worship leading this summer. What should be his motivation: Guilt? Comfortability? Friends? No, none of those. Where can he serve God in the best capacity? What is most honoring to God? As with Kyle, he needs to seek God and try to figure out what He wants him to do. In either case, I am happy that the boys take their decisions so seriously and give them the thought and prayer that they deserve. I would like them both to have peace with their decisions and not be burdened with those nagging feelings of having missed God’s best for themselves, or having made this huge mistake that is going to ruin their lives. They are both doing their best to honor the Lord and give Him glory in all that they do. No parent could ever ask for more than that!!

On another note, it seems to me that if God is calling a person to service, He generally will give the person a passion for it. Right? Then again, where do you draw the line between passion and feelings? If we call it a passion, it’s seems ok in the Christian community. But as soon as we start calling it our feelings, we learn to not trust them. I know that both boys had things they wanted to accomplish this summer. Are those goals selfish or do they stem from their God-given talents?

God, please help the boys figure out what to do.

PS, I may have lost a daughter, but I have tons of love left in me for 2 future daughters-in-law and lots of grandchildren.

oh my aching feet!

Work day is over. It was mostly painting this time. Didn’t realize how much my feet hurt until I got home and had more work to do standing in the kitchen. Now they are throbbing!

We had fun hanging out with our new friend, Talo from Uruguay. We found out that he is going to be at the camp in Puerto Rico this summer that Kyle was invited to. I think it would be a great opportunity for Kyle! This is definitely something he needs to pray about. Tomorrow we are bringing Talo home for supper. He should be sick of us by tomorrow night!

Here’s a new pic of Ethan. It feels weird that I have a grandson out there that I’m not allowed to see. On a much happier note, we are going on a retreat in May on the way home from Michigan to meet Ryan’s new friend, Hannah. We’ll actually be meeting her before Ryan does. Really looking forward to it! Looks like we have a lot going on this summer. Hope we have time to spend at home and enjoy our new pool that we don’t have up yet, and work in our garden that we don’t have dug up or planted yet. Haha… oh yeah, let’s not forget bike rides and running too!

frozen banana pops, anyone?

Nothing serious tonight, I’m tired of thinking serious thoughts. Needed to let loose today and have some fun. So after I got done cleaning the house, I attempted frozen banana pops. I kept hearing how great they were, and I had 7 overly ripe bananas. I had a blast making these, but I don’t like them. I’m going to try to pawn them off on Darryl and anyone else who might like them.

On the plate you will also see a couple of new cake balls. I made a batch of them last night. They are strawberry flavored cake with chocolate coating. So good!

Tomorrow is painting day at church.

Life in my parallel universe

Kyle and I prepared a perfect little parallel parking practice place for him. Try saying that out loud. Hehe I think he did quite splendidly! I made him keep doing it until his arms got tired.



I can’t stop thinking about Dana lately, especially since I found out she has contacted other family members about having the baby. Nice slap in the face. So many scriptures come to mind. I’m trying to find something to latch onto to give me peace. Jesus said He didn’t come to bring peace, but division. His name alone will cause families to divide; spiritually first, and then physically I suppose.

Charles Baker had this to say about it:
Spiritual ties can bind people more closely together than physical ties. In fact, many times believers find their natural relations antagonistic to spiritual things. Jesus Himself experienced this, for we read: "Neither did His brethren believe in Him." In fact, Jesus predicted that because of His being rejected by Israel, instead of bringing peace to the world, He would bring division...

Matthew 10:34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’

But He also said to pray for our enemies.

Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you...

I’m so torn, so tired, so hurt, and confused. Part of me is saying, “Forgive.” Another part of me is shaking the dust off my sneakers, and washing my hands of the whole dramatic mess. Part of me feels sorry for her because she has no idea what she is doing. The other part says that even without the Lord in her life, she knows full well what she is doing. I’m sure I have yet to go through realms of emotions that I’ve never felt before. This is another journey in my life, one with no known ending, one that changes from moment to moment.

God, thank you for the joy you’ve given me in the midst of my pain. I rejoice in your mercy and grace.

the lost coin, sheep, daughter...

At church on Sunday we were asked for prayer requests and praise reports. Hmm...I wondered if Ethan was a praise item. I said, “Well, I think this is a blessing”. And I proceeded to tell them about my first grandchild. The reason I said “I think” is because of the situation the baby comes into. Not having a father is bad enough, but he also doesn’t have grandparents (except for 1 in Maine). But each baby is a blessing from God. Some come into better homes and circumstances than others, but that’s not the baby’s fault. I will try not to be judgmental as to having a child deliberately without the Dad, but it’s hard to hold my thoughts inside. I might not have been the greatest role model when I was younger, but I was a single mom, alone!! I worked full time at any job I could get just so I could afford to buy spaghetti-o’s and hot dogs!! I never owned a home, and struggled to have a car and an appt. When I was in my 30’s I still lived in a dumpy 1 bedroom apartment when I wasn't living with my parents. Why on earth would the child I raised as a single mom do the exact same thing to her child? Isn’t my life enough of a reason not to?!

Since I made the analogy of the prodigal son, my pastor brought to my attention that there are other parables I could take wisdom from. How about the one with the woman who swept out her house looking for the 1 lost coin? Why? Because it was precious. Or the one where the shepherd goes out and looks for his 1 lost sheep? Why? Because it was also precious. OK, so I wasn’t thinking about those, because seriously, I didn’t want to have to make another move in that direction. I suppose it would be more Christ-like to be loving and be rejected than to not do anything. Thanks, Karl.

So I am on my way out to get a card to congratulate her on the baby. I don’t think they make any that say, “Hey congrats on having a baby out of wedlock and keeping the birth a secret from me.”

Yeah, that would go over great, huh? Wish me luck on finding something I can put my heart into.

Psalm 139:¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

Welcome to the world, Ethan Michael

I snagged this picture from Dana's Facebook profile. He's certainly a cutey, huh? Some day I hope his mother will introduce us.

I have been thinking a lot about the prodigal son. If I remember correctly, the Dad never went out looking for the son or attempted to contact him to ask him to come home. Nope, he waited and trusted the Lord for the outcome. I need to read it again, but I think the son just came back to his Dad when he realized what he had done and he was lower than the servants who were tending the pigs. See, the thing is, he had to face his demise because he ran out of money and he had no food. But in these big government times we live in now, everybody can get food stamps and government assistance if they don't work. Nobody ever really has to bottom-out anymore. I've been waiting for Dana to hit bottom for years, but stupid me, I always bailed her out.

Oh well. This is way out of my hands. God can change her heart and bring her to her senses, or she can harden her heart even further. But as the parent of a prodigal child, it is not up to me to go seeking her out. It is only up to me to wait on the Lord, be patient, and pray.

mounds of yummy goodness

cake balls, cake balls, cake balls...

After 3 days and countless hours, here are my finished products for the meeting tonight. The top tray is the carrot cake balls. And the bottom one is the cheesecake. They are really good. Darryl is glad I am getting them out of the house (although I still have a few leftovers here).

Even though they look ridiculous I hope they are a huge hit!!

home of pandamania

Kyle Vegh

Today Kyle and I spent the day at church but decided not to stay late for the small group. I’m glad we came home when we did because I was getting too tired without having any coffee. We also didn’t have internet for a long time so Kyle talked me into going in the yard to play. We went down by the little brook and saw a snake. Then we walked across the street into this magical bamboo jungle. It was like being in a rain forest or something. It was so cool!! I wanted to take a baby bamboo plant home with me but I couldn’t dig one out. They are very much stuck in the ground. I did find a nice clay pot to bring home though. I’ll plant something else in it. We had a great time on our adventure!

I noticed on Facebook today that Dana had her son. My prayer is that she and her baby come to know Jesus as their Savior one day before it’s too late. Nothing else really matters that much if they have no hope of eternal life. Whether or not we have money, or possessions, or a job, or family or friends, it all seems meaningless if this world and this lifetime is all we have. What is a life but a fleeting moment in time, here today and gone tomorrow?

Mark 8:36 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?

great balls o cheese

caramel and raspberry cheesecake balls
there's also chocolate there but I didn't cut one openI tried taking frozen cheesecake and making them into balls. My plan was to dip them in chocolate. Haha… Don’t ever try it!! Trust me on this. Unless you want a 2 day stressful adventure just skip this one. The balls melted, got mushy, stuck to my hands, stuck to the wax paper. I got them back in the freezer but they turned out being globs of cheesecake rather than nicely formed balls. Then today I started the “easy” part. Got the chocolate all melted and ready for dipping and then the tricky part was ...oh wait, I’ll bet you can figure this out. Hot melted chocolate meets frozen cheesecake balls. Do you see a problem here? They kept thawing out just as the chocolate got to the right temperature. I had to keep refreezing them...oh my, what a disaster. But I stuck it out to the bitter end. Kitchen was destroyed by chocolate. My feet are ready to explode. I have 2 trays of badly shaped cheesecake thingys. But you know what? They taste positively AMAZING!!! I will keep them in the freezer until Friday for the mission meeting.

I’m hoping to make some carrot cake balls to go with them but I won’t be able to do that until Thursday because Kyle and I will be at church and small group for about 12 hours tomorrow, if we last that long. We will need to bring lunch AND supper with us I guess.

During the cheesecake fiasco, I was slow-cooking a flank steak for some awesome enchiladas. Darryl said dinner was a grand slam. Wow, best enchiladas ever! Now I am deliciously satisfied and I have my feet up recuperating for a long day tomorrow. It’s a good time to read a recipe book.

Oh yeah, we got a new treadmill today! This was NOT Darryl’s birthday present, it just happened to come around the same time. Can’t wait to try it out on Thursday!! Darryl has to assemble it.

‎1 Tim. 4:8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.

Formal Ryan

These pictures cheered me up today. Ryan sent them to me. This is his very first formal. He went with a college friend named Angie. He had a really fun time, and has decided that he loves to dance! So cool!

no grandma for Ethan

Bummed out today, and not feeling well. So I figured it would be nice to change my profile picture on Facebook. Here’s one that Kyle took.
Funny thing happened while I was at church today. I got a Facebook invitation from Dana’s best friend to her baby shower. It’s funny because it’s obvious I was not expected to attend since I got the invitation a few hours before the event, and I live almost 2 hours away. Ah well…such is the relationship with Dana. If she chooses to have a child without a husband, without her mom, or step-Dad, or brothers that is her choice. I don’t believe it is the best thing for her or her son, but at this point it is none of my business. One day she will be explaining to little Ethan about the choices she made and he will wonder why there is no grandma. Poor kid, he’s part of a broken home before he’s even born.

Also found out my brother and his wife were in a bad car accident. I'm so relieved they are OK!

Living in a snow globe and I can’t get out

How do you work the best? I like peace and quiet, or sometimes I like to have praise and worship music playing. But I do not like to have to listen to other people’s conversations. It’s distracting and stressful. Not sure why some people have to have all their phone conversations with the speaker on, but it makes me crazy. It’s like I am being bombarded by their work and I can’t focus on my own work. Ugh... I can’t read, I can’t think, I can’t concentrate. Just because I don’t get paid for anything I do doesn’t mean my job is any less important. Do you have any pet peeves like that?

When I get frustrated with my environment, I try to remember that I’m working for the Lord and not for man. But that doesn’t really help my frazzled nerves or the stress headaches. Good thing I don’t drink or I’d be sucking them down just to drown out the noise. This must be why I like my quiet time right before I go to bed. Or my quiet time early in the morning before the phone starts ringing.

When I’m doing food prep I can’t stand having outside distractions. I need my creative juices flowing so I can create a masterpiece. If there is a lot of noise, it jars my nerves and inhibits my thought process. If you come to my house when I’m preparing dinner, please stay out of my kitchen (unless you are helping)!! Hah... I don’t like running into people when I’ve got knives or boiling water in my hands. I have stabbed myself enough times I would hate to stab you too.

I have never read the Message Bible. But I looked up this verse and I’m posting it here because it cracked me up.

1 Thess. 4:11-12 Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job. You've heard all this from us before, but a reminder never hurts. We want you living in a way that will command the respect of outsiders, not lying around sponging off your friends.

Well, I got all my seeds planted that I can start indoors. I’m wondering now what I’m going to do with them when they begin to grow because we don’t even have our garden ready yet. Pretty hard to do anything outside because we keep getting snow. Yep, it’s snowing again today. Looks real pretty out there but it feels like it’s never gonna end. I’m guessing that one day this month it’ll just shoot up to 90 degrees on our deck, and then spring will be over! That seems to be what usually happens. So, I planted 3 or 4 different types of tomatoes, cukes, red bell peppers, tomatillos, and jalapenos. My first batch of tomato seeds are doing really well. They might want to go in the ground soon. When we do get the garden ready, I’m going to plant spinach and 2 kinds of radishes too. Who knows what else.