Murder Masquerade and a new car

April and Ryan

Travis, Hannah, Hilary, Kyle

Here are a couple of pictures of the kids formal last week.  They all have seriously fabulous outfits!  Aren't you loving Ryan's hawk wings?  So cool.  And look at the amazing formal wear that Kyle is sporting.  Looks familiar, right?  hehe yep, created by yours truly.

I never went to any cool events like that when I was growing up.  Instead of spending 4 years in college, I spent 4 years in a bad marriage, and then another 10 years as a single mom...  Yep, because of choices I made, I missed out on a lot!  It's too bad I wasn't able to teach my daughter not to follow in my footsteps.  Oh well, I'm still praying that one day God will open her eyes to the truth, because I know she is completely blinded right now.

New car

So, the other day Darryl and I ended up a car dealer all day.  Came home with a new car (2011 Lexus RX350).  Didn't realize we were blocking it so much when the salesman took this picture.

Today I had a great day practicing guitar and going over my Oceans song again, trying to decide on a key, and trying to decide if I'm seriously going to do it.  I haven't sang in SUCH a long time that it becomes all the more difficult to try to get up there again.  I hope I can figure out what to do soooon!!

Fall afresh on me...I need You!

I've been playing guitar for 6 1/2 months now, and I continue to learn new songs.  These 2 songs that I recorded today really come from my heart.  This is a Jeremy Riddle song that I picked up recently.  I really like it!

Fall Afresh
 

This next one I first started to play 3 weeks ago, but had since put it on the side.  Decided to get it back out for a whirl today.

 Lord, I Need You (edit: I just discovered I was playing from an incorrect chord sheet in this song, so I will definitely Re-record it at some point)
 

I just wish my fingers didn't have to get so sore!  I also wish I had a guitar mentor; someone who could give me a little help.  Oh well, I'm plunking away...strumming, singing...seeing where I'll end up, and praising the Lord on the way there.  No one knows where they'll end up, but it's good to just keep striving -- just keep heading forward.  Honestly, sometimes I struggle with this.  Part of me is so cynical about all of this.  The little voices in my head...they tell me I'm wasting my time, wasting Darryl's money.  They tell me I'm too old to sing, that I'll never amount to anything, that the only people who get to sing are young.  And that I stink, and that no one wants to hear me sing.

SHUT UP, STUPID LIES!!  I HATE YOU!

Zuke says my voice is a gift from God, and that a gift must be shared.  Darryl said he enjoys hearing me sing.  Kyle said when he was here, that my singing was soothing.  I have to keep singing, even if I never have a chance to sing FOR anyone.  I'm still singing for Jesus because He gave me breath.

A few things I am learning:
1. I may never have a real friend
2. I may never have a real audience
3. Only people who love me like to hear me sing! 
4. I may have to move to Michigan (the only state I told God I would NEVER move to) 
5. I need to be ok with all of the above

Ok, so we are in the process of deciding on a summer vacation.  We are thinking we might try to go white-water rafting in West Virginia when we go down to see my parents.  Yeah cool, huh?

Ryan and Kyle's formal is this weekend.  I fear Kyle may not wear the jabot that I made for him...[imagine my sad face here].

It looks like we may have some of their friends here for part of their summer break.  That will be fun, and interesting.

Oh yeah, here is a selfie from yesterday.  I took this while watching Dr. Oz.  It was a little test to see how long you will live.  My picture indicates that I won't live that long because I have too much stress in my life.  This is determined because I don't have a huge wide mouth smile going on.  I thought I looked rather relaxed and content.  Oh well, I'm sure Dr. Oz knows best.

I'm thinking about the weather in Grand Rapids.  Wondering when we'll be moving there.  It scares me silly to think of moving out of my lovely home state of New Jersey... ahhh.... maybe that's what Dr. Oz sees in me.

I'll see your Jabot and raise you 2 Cravats

I survived my super uber frustrating day sewing yesterday...it was a day just like the day I did the church directories: nothing but trouble.  I'm glad no one was home to hear me yelling and crying.  I had to apologize to God for the rant.

Anyway, I have no idea what was up with my sewing machine, but it seemed to have been demon possessed.  The picture below was one of my first pattern attempts, which ended up being too big.  I used an old bed sheet as a practice so I wouldn't ruin my good fabric.  The picture above, obviously is the finished products.  I made the jabot from this pattern, although there are no measurements or anything, it at least showed me the general shape.  I used a pure white linen fabric for it, as well as one of the cravats.  The other cravat on the right I used an old tea-stained looking fabric that I thought was a bit more flowy, but it may not be the right color, which is why I went ahead and made the second one in white, in case Kyle prefers that.  Here's the pattern I used for the cravat.  Oh, did I mention this is for Kyle's formal coming up the end of this month?  Yep, I got it to the post office today.  Praise God!  

fancy schmancy bib

Today, my plan and goal was to work out, play guitar, and sing.  Guess what I did instead?  I took a sick day.  Didn't feel quite right, fell asleep on the couch a couple of times, which I never, ever do unless I'm sick.  I figured my body and mind needed a break, so I didn't feel any guilt about taking a day off instead of going 100 mph all the time.  I guess my body finally said stop.

Kyle dearest, you owe me a picture of your finished outfit.

Worn

This is how I was feeling tonight so I decided to look up the chords and try to play it.  Yes, I know the guitar is not perfect.  Yes, I know the vocals aren't spot on...  and frankly I don't give a bo-diddley.... this is how I was feeling and I wanted to express myself.

breaking the sound barrier

Speaker guarding the door

 Our front door no longer stays shut, even when locked, and there was a fierce wind blowing through, and Darryl's been away for a few days.  So I fixed it.

You knew there'd have to be a pun about something breaking, right?

Today I started sewing Kyle's cravat.   After about an hour of fighting with a tangled bobbin, one of the globes on our chandelier decided to fall on my head.  I seriously thought someone had come up behind me and hit me over the head.  What a shocker!  I spent the next hour cleaning glass out of everything.  You can't tell from this picture the extent of the glass all over the dining room - in the carpet, in the chair cushions, mixed in with my pins.  I did ultimately finish the cravat, hoping all the teeny specks of glass are thoroughly shaken out of it.  Tomorrow I shall attempt the pattern for the jabot.  Now that's gonna be tricky.  I know because I already tried figuring it out, with no success.

this little light of mine...fell on my head

It may look little, but that bugger was heavy and it hurt.  I'm glad I had a hat on to cushion it a bit!

No time to do vocal work, or play guitar, or exercise today.  Three strikes and I'm out.
Tomorrow I'm back to Zuke's.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 

Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. 

Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 

In the same way, let your light shine before others, 

that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."  

~Matthew 5:14-16

is your name in the book?

Hooray!! I just got done with 77 church directories!!  How come it is that when you think everything is gonna be smooth sailing, it all goes incredibly wrong?  Yep, it was one of those days. Thanking my Father in heaven that it's done now.

I thought I was going to have all afternoon to play guitar, but technological difficulties had other plans for me.  Ended up with only a few minutes to play guitar...no time to exercise... but ALAS, I did not have any junk food today, so that was a BIG plus! *pat on the back*

Thankful I got home safely.
Thankful for wine.

Tomorrow I need to concentrate on Kyle's formal.  Yep, I need to sew him a  jabot and a cravat.

Philippians 4:3 

Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

8 easy steps to a better ME

a bit of sunburn

I've been kinda bummed lately.  It's like I am depressed and getting beat up by my own thoughts before I am even fully awake.  That's not a good way to live.

Things I gotta do to feel better:

1. Get up earlier
2. Have quiet time with God
3. Eat good protein breakfast
4. Get good exercise
5. Eat healthy lunch and supper
6. Stop sitting in front of TV all evening
7. Stop eating sugary foods, especially at night
8. Sing (and play guitar) every day

Now, if I could just do only those 8 things, I'm sure to feel tons better.  Being indoors for so long I seemed to have lost my enthusiasm for things.  I need to get better!!   Today was a great start.  The weather was be-u-tee-ful!!  I spent a good long time outside on the deck filling up with sunshine and vitamin D.  I felt so fabulous after that.  Well, I also did exercise the last couple of days too, but the sun really made huge difference.  I needed it bad!

return of the Zombie

I had to say "bye" to Kyle and the gang this morning.  The house was so quiet that I didn't want to do anything.   I just sat around like a zombie.  Oh well...tomorrow will be better.  I love you, Kyle!  See you in a few months.

Thank you, Lord for the opportunity to have a nice visit with Kyle and his friends.

Be with them and keep them safe.  

Wicked in NYC

Me and Hils on the subway

One World Trade Center

Blue Bottle Coffee

up on the High Line

Catching the subway

balancing act... Kyle and Josh

Darryl taking a picture of the kids at Central Park

DJ and Me at Ellen's Stardust Diner

Kyle, DJ, Me

this is the man that took my hand and sang to me at Ellen's Stardust Diner

some of the singing waiters at Ellen's

we were only a few rows back from the stage at Wicked

Hilary and Kyle

the transformation of our living room into a bedroom

These are some fun memories from our day in New York yesterday.  We hit some sights and some stores.  Did a ton of walking... could barely walk from the car into the house last night when we finally got home past midnight.  Neither Ben nor Josh had ever been there before, so it was really cool to go with them and be excited with them.  

We went to Ellen's Stardust Diner for supper, where the waiters are all Broadway hopefuls waiting for their big break; and a lot of them do get theirs.  We also saw the play Wicked.  It was way better than I ever imagined.  I enjoyed it so much.  I'm glad the kids chose that one to go see.  

Sadly, only 1 more day with them... 

A Heartfelt Letter To My Sister

by Ryan Vegh

What can I say to you, my precious sister?
What can I do for you, to show you that you are loved?
My heart erupts in my inmost being,
Violently torn apart as I see your tears.
I yearn to see your face;
To see it beaming in brilliance.

And yet, when shall I see you?
And what shall your face truly convey?
For now I am estranged from you,
And any hope of seeing you again
Seems to rest in the will of another.
And if I saw you,
I fear that sorrow will have soaked your face.

For yours is a life of misery -
Separated from love,
Drowning in toil,
Longing for the sight of your son,
And desperately shouting out curses,
Wondering why you, of all people,
Ended up in this hell.

“Damned if I know!
Must be my worthless mother!
I mean, I sure ain’t no angel!
But God knows I didn’t choose this for myself!”

And out into the open air your words travel,
Thundering back to you in a deafening chorus,
Blasting from the blackened mouths
Of the people you love most,
As if somehow spewing darkness from their hearts
Will help you to find the light.

No, that ought not be!
Darkness cannot overpower darkness;
Only light can send the shadows to flight.
In the same way, evil cannot overcome evil;
But rather, goodness contains the power to bring life.

You needed love,
But you were given hate.
You longed for a hug,
But you were given a slap to the face.
You desired friends,
But they became your enemies.
You tried your best,
But “you won’t amount to anything.”

And on and on the ones who “cared”
Didn’t “care” if they hurled you into the dirt;
Didn’t “care” if they stabbed you in the back.
Instead they laughed!

So here I am, weak and feeble in heart.
And if you will hear my cry, then listen, dear sister:
You. Are. Loved.
Really, truly loved.
And it’s not because you did something amazing,
But because you, in and of yourself, /are/ something amazing.
You are special.
And you are lovely.

Sure, each one of us can be made into a monster;
I don’t doubt that even demons envy our deviousness at times.
Yet each one of us has been made for a purpose,
And that includes you.
You’ve been especially planted on this planet for a reason.

So whether you see yourself as lovely or dark,
Whether your friends and family call you worthwhile or disgusting,
Know this:
I see a beautiful person,
And I love you.

Even the One who formed your body
And sculpted your desires
Is desperately in love with you -
The One who searches your heart
And intimately knows your feelings.
He sees your secrets and He still cares for you.
He is slow to anger and abounding in love;
And if that’s the way He sees things,
Then who am I to say otherwise?

Do I like everything about you?
Of course not.
But then, I don’t like everything about myself, either.
So I choose to love you, sister.
And with these words I hope that you will see just how special you are.

With much love and heartfelt sincerity,

Your brother,
Ryan