It was a fun dinner...but i think it wasn't worth the money. Next time we'll just go out for a burger. Eating out is way too expensive!
the almost filled POD
and there it goes...
We got the POD stuffed full of junk and now it is on it's way to our other home. When the truck lifted it up, we could hear stuff crashing inside. I'm guessing we will find a bit of a mess when we open it next week. Can you believe it takes a week to get there? Crazy...
It was a weird feeling to watch our stuff leave home. We've been here since 1993, so this is just nuts for us to do. I see 2 garage sales in our not too distant future.
Tomorrow we sign the contract on our house so we can get it on the market. Another crazy time is right around the corner.
So, today was our anniversary. We ended up not doing anything today, but think we'll go out to dinner tomorrow somewhere.
Kyle and Hilary came to NJ for a couple of days to help us pack up the POD. They did a really good job, and we all got a lot done. We even got a movie in. The POD is pretty well packed and now it's just the last minute stuff that has to go in. We will concentrate on getting the house cleaned up for photos in the next few days. Hoping to have the house listed and ready for showing by the first of the month. I think it is doable. I still get a sickish feeling when I walk through our partly empty house, but I am hoping that once we get to Michigan I will feel right at home. Coming back and forth to NJ might prove to be more challenging emotionally... will really be leaning on God's strength.
Pretty self-explanatory. I was sitting there taking a video, but the tree jumped down and headed straight towards me...Heh...yeah I missed the end of the video, and the tree missed me for the most part. I did get hit with a branch.
Lately I have been feeling quite a bit like I'm in some sort of alternate reality. Like I'm looking at my life from the outside. A bit like it was when our house was burning down. Like I'm just going through the motions of finalizing my time here. It makes me think of past eras of my life; remembering different places I've lived and worked, different people I've known and been close to. It eventually all goes away. It's sad to move on. But I truly must believe it is God's will. I do desire to be close to my kids, and I believe that God put that desire in my heart.
I wander around my house...I'm cleaning it, and I feel like I'm cleaning someone else's house. I'm staging it, supposing what the new home owner will want to see. I'm looking out the big windows, and I'm thinking how much I will miss that. Just the simple act of looking out my big windows. But then I have to count the cost. I miss my boys so much more than I would miss any windows.
There are people I will miss terribly. There are things I will miss. I can't name them...but the loss will be felt for many years to come.
It's been an emotional few days here, trying to sort through my personal effects, and having to toss things out with memories attached. My husband understood how sad I was about everything just by speaking to me on the phone...so he brought me these flowers when he came home from his business trip to try to cheer me. Sweet guy.
Today our POD was delivered. It certainly made the whole thing more real somehow. After we got done working on our garden we worked hard trying to get stuff packed, and took my desk apart. We figured a lot of stuff is going to be too heavy for the 2 of us to carry, so that's why he's taking it apart. After a whole day of working, guess how much stuff we managed to get inside the POD? Go ahead....guess.
Not one single item. Yup... nothin.
We were so exhausted...I think partially from the mental stress of having to go through so much junk. Just cleaning out my desk and all the paperwork was crazy. But it was a kind of cleansing feeling to throw so much away. And to think, this is barely the beginning. We have a LOOONG way to go!!
The living room is taking the biggest hit right now. It is total chaos. No wonder my nerves are so jarred. But little by little we are getting boxes packed. Good bye new studio that I just made.
I know in 3 weeks it will be over and we'll be in Michigan. But it's a little overwhelming right now.
Guess I won't be playing a lot guitar for the next few weeks. Of course I haven't touched it much lately anyway. Feels pointless right now.
Here is our POD. It is supposed to hold the contents of 3-4 rooms. We'll see.
I got about half of the kitchen packed up. Gotta leave some stuff here for awhile.
I can't even wrap my brain around the fact that we are leaving NJ; the beautiful Garden State, where I've spent my whole life. We are leaving the house my boys grew up in. I seriously can barely even think about it. It is surreal. I'm looking at everything differently. Like, when we planted our garden, I'm thinking, OK, God with his sense of humor will probably give us an abundant crop only to have us move as it is becoming ripe. The new homeowners will end up with all our produce. Yeah God, that would be pretty funny. Gotta laugh...
It is painful when it has to end this way. I failed.... big time.
I thought these past couple of years of working hard would give me the opportunities I wanted, but I was wrong. It's all over now... I've been told... no chances left. I had my last chance on March 1st, I just didn't know it. I've been the fool.
I think it is just best to walk away as fast as I can with my tail between my legs and cut my losses...I really don't ever want to see any of those people again. It would be too embarrassing.
It will be a very long time before I ever sing publicly again. I think I'm done. You can only get kicked to the curb so many times before you quit trying. I'm done trying... I'm done begging for bones....I'm done arguing and trying to prove myself. There are just some environments that are not good for building one's confidence. Now I know to stay away; move along. I've done all I can here. It's over. I'm glad it's been made so clear to me that there are no opportunities here for me.
I'm starting to get stuff out of the cabinets. I want to take as little as possible with me. I want to be a minimalist. I don't want a bunch of junk to be a slave to. It's time to get rid of it!
Packing up a life time...that's what cardboard boxes are good for. You take the last 20-some years of your life and try to fit them into boxes. How does that happen? How do we do it? I don't know yet...but I will find out. I was fortunate enough to know someone who just moved and she gave me all her boxes and packing material.
Tomorrow starts the hardcore packing. The down and dirty...the nitty gritty...to the bone...
It still feels so weird to me that both my boys have decided to settle in Michigan. Oh and did I mention already that Michigan is the ONLY state I told God I'd never live in? Yeah, well of course God has this very funny sense of humor. "You won't live in Michigan? ahhh well, I will show you who makes these decisions... and it's not you".
Ok, God, I get it. I'm doing it. I'm scared. I'm literally freaking out right now. I have no idea how this will be, but I'm doing it. You gotta take care of the details because I am now in out-of-body mode....and will remain here for the duration....it's your ball game. I'm just along for the ride.
So, it was Mother's Day yesterday. DJ took me to Bell's Mansion. Not happy with the meal. No more Bell's for me. Maybe they have better restaurants in Grand Rapids. haha
So, anyway, I met with a realtor and landscaper today.... husband and wife team. I was very happy with them and I hope that Darryl agrees that we can use them...
So, we made it home from Michigan, and South Jersey, and then I got violently ill. Pretty sure I got it from Darryl, but I got it worse than he did...(sorry Darryl).
So, the first few days we were home with Ryan we didn't do a whole lot of anything. Fortunately Ryan had dinner plans 2 of the nights he was here.
When we finally started feeling better, we got busy and started moving some of the heavy furniture out to the garage to get ready for our POD. We definitely needed to take advantage of Ryan's strength.
All the work associated with moving is really stressing me out, even though I am laying it all before the Lord, my mind still races at top speed trying to figure things out. I spent the last 2 days cleaning out closets and organizing what goes, what stays, what gets sold, tossed, donated, packed. It's mentally exhausting figuring it all out, and my many sorted piles are slowly overlapping one another.
I'm getting rid of as much of my clothes as I can because my available closet space has been significantly reduced, and worse than that, I now will have to share a closet with Darryl... oh yeah, and on top of that, this shared closet is IN the master bathroom. Yep, I may have to find an alternate spot for some of my clothes. I wasn't thinking about this one and only awkward closet space when we bought the house.
I really enjoyed having Ryan here. We cooked together, we picked songs together, we talked, and planned out the layout of the new house. It's going to be kinda cool having a studio there that we can both use. Over the past couple of weeks I haven't had much time to work on my music stuff. I'm gradually losing all the callouses on my fingertips. That is super sad after how long it took me to get them!
I sure hope my brain and my emotions can handle all that is quickly coming my way. There is a smorgasbord of thoughts racing around, each trying to take control. Yikes... think I'm going to have to try to do all this with an out-of-body mentality because otherwise I'm sure I'll fall apart. There is so much to do, and today I don't know where to begin...which is why I'm here venting with my fingers.
The last night Ryan was here he did his spoken word for us again that he did at his last chapel. Obviously it's not the same for him to perform for 2 parents as it was to do it for chapel, but he did an awesome job, and now we have the whole thing on video. Thanks Ryan!
Kyle is in Montana. I will post pictures next time.
Ryan and I took a trip down to Marlton with Darryl to bring Ethan his 4 year old birthday gifts. He is so adorable! I'm really glad we got to visit, since it has been a year and a half since we have been able to see him. What a little sweetie he is. I'm gonna miss that little guy.
Ryan and I had a fun time running around the yard (and the living room) playing with the kids. We played with bubbles, balloons, fishing game, duck duck goose...
Hanging here is a picture of Ryan. It was on a plaque at Frontline Bible Church, upstairs in their youth room. It was made to honor their graduates.
Hanging in the Jack is this picture of Kyle. He sounds so intelligent, doesn't he?
Also hanging in the Jack was this award to Pastor Karl for excellence in preaching. So the last day we were in GR, we snuck in and nabbed these photos. Don't you love how I got my picture on there waving? That was intentional.
It occurs to me that I'll probably never have the opportunity go go back inside GBC, so it's cool I got what I did on our last visit. I'm still trying to get used to fact that our boys are done with college. What a weird reality.
