it's time...

Well, here we go...early tomorrow morning starts our adventure in Michigan.   I'm excited, anxious, nervous, sad, and happy...   Can't quite settle my stomach, or my thoughts.  Indeed, I have a lot to settle in my mind on this trip.   I hope I can find things to do to keep busy.  I fear I will be sitting there by myself (especially the first week) doing nothing...except thinking.  I can't do any work for church because someone else has taken it over for the next 3 weeks.  So, not only will I be missing everything that is going on at church, but I can't even be a part of it.

Maybe it's a good thing that I'm being forced to get it all out of my system.
Maybe this will force me to finish my next song.
Maybe it's time to learn how to have a life in Michigan.
Maybe I will love Michigan enough to leave my beloved NJ.
Maybe we will find a house to buy.
Maybe I will finally have some friends if I move out there.  Based on the boys' experience, the people out there are really friendly.  So that is something wonderful to look forward to.  Some day I hope to have a close friend!  I am so lonely.

Yeah, there's a lot to settle in my mind.  I need to figure out where I'm going with my life.  I had goals and dreams the past couple of years, but those things seemed to have alluded me.  For most of my life I'm alone, so I need to think long and hard how I want to live and what I want to be doing.  I have spent all my adult married life living for my boys (and husband).  I have given all, and done all for them.  I have made sure they were homeschooled, taken care of, and given the best opportunities we could give.  They are fine now, they are settled, they are on their way.  But I've never had the opportunity to do anything specifically just for me.  This is my time.  Time to figure out how to live my life.

I sing a lot about how much I trust God with my life.  How I trust him to take me into deeper waters, beyond the border of my faith.  This is my test.  Do I really trust him, or will I be fighting him all the way?  I pray I can be willing to surrender everything to him.  I pray I can humble myself under his mighty hand.  From where I stand, leaving NJ will be the hardest thing I've ever done.  Picking up my roots, my whole life, and leaving everything?  But then again, I have to ask myself, what am I really leaving behind?  Is there anything in NJ that keeps me here?  Only God can answer that for me, and I will accept his answer.