'Tis the season

Me and Darryl at a magical Christmas Party :)

I haven’t written for a while.  Truth is I’ve been stressed out about a bad relationship.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?  Why does there have to be so much DRAMA?  Why is there always an edge of unforgiveness and resentment?  How old do I have to get before there is peace?  That’s what I’d like to know.  And I’d also like to know why I am hated so much.

I’ve been accused of not taking ownership of what I’ve done.  I’d like to know exactly what it is that I have done.  I’ve apologized for not being perfect.  Are you perfect?  Romans 3:23 says “all have sinned”.  Every one of us has made mistakes, done things wrong.  No one has ever been perfect except for my Savior; the One I am accused of hiding behind.  I realize this was said to me to belittle me - to make me feel inferior and inadequate, as is normally the case, but there is some truth in it.

Psalm 17:8 says “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.”

Colossians 3:3 says “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”

I love God’s word.  I’m glad that the life I have in Christ is so obvious that it gets thrown in my face as an insult.  God’s word is foolishness to those who don’t have a relationship with God.  It can’t be understood by them because they don’t have the Holy Spirit living in them.

1 Corinthians 1:18 says “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”

1 Corinthians 2:14 says “The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.”

I guess I have just answered one of my first questions… of why I am hated so much.  It’s because of Jesus.  What other explanation can there be? 

In John 15:18 Jesus said, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”

Jesus died for a world that hated him.  What am I supposed to do for those who hate me?  God knew that we would be hated because of His Son.  That message is very clear in the Bible.  When Jesus came to earth He stated (Matthew 10) that His coming would divide families; “turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.”  The truth separates people.

How many times can I turn the other cheek?  How many insults do I need to take?  How much love am I able to give?  These are the things that keep me awake at night.  Sure, it’s easy to say, “Oh just be loving and extend grace.”  Yeah, it’s easy to say.  It’s not always so easy living it.  I’m not even sure what love should look like right now.

This seems to be an on-going, year-by-year saga that never ends, and the air never gets cleared.  I am angry and hurt, but I am thankful that I have a Father in heaven who comforts me.  I pray that one day you will know the love of God, and get rid of all the hatred and bitterness you are holding onto.  I pray that one day my God will be your God, and my Savior your Savior.  I pray that you will receive His forgiveness so that you can move forward with your life.  I pray that with God’s strength I can do His will in this.