Things that make me smile or cry

Some misc shots of things that make me smile. 

Babysitting Winnie.  

Visits from kids.

Singing with Ryan (practicing hymns that we will do at Frontline next week).

I get really sad when I think about Darryl.  It's been 4 months and I am still having so much trouble accepting this new reality.  The human brain can hardly allow this much pain in all at once.  That's why they say the grief comes in waves; because that's all you can handle.  I decided to try writing a song about it.  It was meant to be an encouraging song about how Jesus carries me through my grief, but no matter, I still end up crying just trying to sing about it.  

I spent most of January looking for a new home because I just wanted to run away from all the pain and memories here.  But I realized running won't help.  In fact, it would probably plunge me into a whole other realm of chaos and confusion.  So, instead of moving, I have decided to redecorate Darryl's bedroom and just "move" to the other side of the house.  When I'm done it will be spring and I will be outside in the sun working and playing, and hopefully I can begin to feel alive again, and figure out who I am as a single woman.  It's so scary, but what choice do I have?

Jesus Carries Me