Lost and Found

I had fun at ShopRite. They were selling books for $1.00 (.50 for paperbacks) so I thought what a great opportunity to pick up some books.  I tried to get ones that had been on the Best Seller's list.  I can't remember the last time I took the time to read a fiction novel, for no other reason than to sit down and enjoy a good book. You figure, for the past 13 years I've been homeschooling my kids and taking care of the house, and all that it entails. The only reading I did was either for school, or the Bible (and study material). Somewhere along the way I lost my love for reading. I am hoping to be able to find myself lost in a good book again soon! (without the nagging thought that I should really be doing something productive, like working!)  Even Darryl tells me I need to have more fun.  I just have not learned how to sit down and relax!!

I took this picture of the chicken's feet.  I don't know why they are labeled 'paws'.  Dogs and cats have paws, not chickens!  I wasn't the only one interested in them, as other women stopped to look and chat about this odd sight.  I am very much into food and cooking, but I cannot imagine putting one of these in my mouth for any reason.  (ok, maybe if I was starving to death!)  Gross, gross, gross!

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking about life.  Here I am at this cross roads, so to speak.  Like I said, my life totally belonged to my kids and husband all these years; a complete devotion.  I'm not complaining by any means, and I would not have changed a thing.  I do not regret my choice to homeschool one single bit.  But it has occurred to me that I have never had a chance in my life to do the things that I wanted to do for ME.  Which is why I bought the books.  But also, there are other things I want to do.  I think I mentioned I also wanted to start painting again.  I was always interested in painting since I was a child.  My grandfather used to work with me and teach me to paint.  What a wonderful time we had together in his basement.  Me and him and our paints and brushes.  He taught me how to hold my hand steady and make my strokes. Sweet memories indeed.

When I was in highschool I took lots of art classes and always had a passion for being creative.  At one point in my single-mom phase I did paint a little, but then dropped it again.  I have also always wanted to sing and play piano.

When I was a little girl I was always singing with my Dad in the church choir.  It is one of my fondest memories of time spent with my Dad.  I love to sing, but I stink at it.   Over the years it was just one more thing I put aside to raise my family.  And besides, there was no way I could get any better at it.  But lately I have had such a desire to learn to sing that I started using Ryan's Singing Success course!  (we met Brett Manning when we went to the Singing Success building in Nashville.  He was very cool.  We even went to lunch with him and his gang and had our picture taken with him.)  I am only on the first lesson but so far it is going really great.  I know it'll be painfully slow, but God willing I won't die so soon that I should just give up on all my personal wants.

When I was a little girl we had a piano, but none of us had lessons, so it just sat there in our mud room and collected dust.  I tried to learn to play several years ago after Ryan took his lessons. I tried picking up his books and doing it by myself, but other duties wouldn't allow the time I needed to pursue it.  I think it would be so much fun to be able to sit down at a piano and play, and sing a song.  People who have that opportunity are so incredibly blessed!!   I think I may just get his books out again one day and see if I can plow through and learn how to play a little.  What a thrill that would be!

I figured we paid all this money to give Ryan the best singing, and guitar, and piano lessons, I might as well try to use whatever I can to benefit myself.  Right?

I know that for a lot of women, when their kids leave home they are lost and bewildered and don't know how to go on.  I miss my boys so incredibly MUCH, but at the same time, I'm realizing how much I have missed ME all these years.  When "they" say that women give themselves up to be moms and wives, they aren't joking.  It's like I have to try to remember who I am and what MY interests are.  It's fun and scary at the same time!  I really want to see where God takes this crazy stuff, if any where at all.   Maybe these are all just fanciful longings that will never materialize.

Well, we painted the kitchen (eating area only).  I will post pictures tomorrow.  Darryl's brothers drove out from Michigan to help us with the tiling in the family room.  I CANNOT WAIT for this house to get situated and cleaned up and organized again.  To me, "clutter and chaos" is synonymous for "insanity".